James Hogg
2008-09-06 13:42:33 UTC
Abstinence Alaska-Style
Well those cold Alaskan winters
leave you feelin' dank and bitter
and a teenage redneck's instinct is
to seek out girls 'n' heat.
When he left the rink frustrated
after chasing that old puck around
he passed the ladies' locker room
to see who he might meet.
When his avid eyes met Bristol's
well it made him cream his Levi's,
but the well-brought-up young girl observed,
"You've just made God irate.
It's a sin to spill your seed like that
'cause every sperm is sacred.
For the Palin creed says: Don't come off
except to procreate."
He said, "Abstinence just makes a young man's
heart grow even fonder."
"And a celibate," the girl agreed,
"has less to celebrate."
"But I don't want kids," he said,
"for me a family has no value."
"Let's play Vatican roulette," she said,
"although it's our first date."
Up in heaven, the Great Croupier
was watching as they gambolled,
as they gambled with their future
'neath the cold Alaskan sky.
And He earmarked two choice gametes
to unite and bless their union,
and another shotgun wedding
was conceived by God on High.
James Hogg
Well those cold Alaskan winters
leave you feelin' dank and bitter
and a teenage redneck's instinct is
to seek out girls 'n' heat.
When he left the rink frustrated
after chasing that old puck around
he passed the ladies' locker room
to see who he might meet.
When his avid eyes met Bristol's
well it made him cream his Levi's,
but the well-brought-up young girl observed,
"You've just made God irate.
It's a sin to spill your seed like that
'cause every sperm is sacred.
For the Palin creed says: Don't come off
except to procreate."
He said, "Abstinence just makes a young man's
heart grow even fonder."
"And a celibate," the girl agreed,
"has less to celebrate."
"But I don't want kids," he said,
"for me a family has no value."
"Let's play Vatican roulette," she said,
"although it's our first date."
Up in heaven, the Great Croupier
was watching as they gambolled,
as they gambled with their future
'neath the cold Alaskan sky.
And He earmarked two choice gametes
to unite and bless their union,
and another shotgun wedding
was conceived by God on High.
James Hogg